We Pastafarians believe that global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes and other natural disasters are caused by the decline in the number of pirates since the beginning of the 19th century. We have a scientific proof – just look at the chart below. In this article I will focus on global warming, that has recently become a hot issue.
How is global warming connected to pirates? The simplest explanation is that we believe in a direct cause, but do not yet know its exact nature. The Creator works in mysterious ways, especially when the Creator is a Flying Spaghetti Monster. We have faith in the words of the FSM and its Prophet Bobby, may he be blessed with fresh parmesan for all his days, and we view the chart as sufficient evidence. Perhaps one day science will discover the nature of the connection between pirates and global warming. Until then we can marvel at the wonder of FSM’s creation and have faith.
On a deeper level, we can ask ourselves, when were the pirates at their peak? The Golden Age of piracy was in late 17th – early 18th centuries. What carried the pirate ships across the high seas? Of course, the wind in their sails. With the transition to coal-powered ships the number of pirates declined, and emission of carbon dioxide has risen. Carbon dioxide is, according to the scientists, the main cause of global warming. In its superior wisdom the FSM has chosen the pirates, who used clean technologies, as our guides. Thus FSM signals us, that it would rather have us follow the ways of the pirates, our divine ancestors, and use non-polluting technologies such as wind turbines.
Some Pastafarians, however, are skeptical, and choose not to take the sacred Gospel of FSM literally. That’s OK. As we know, the greatest gift our Unintelligent Designer has given us is the use of our brains for reasoning and application of common sense. Wise scientists, who have studied the Creation have collected a vast amount of evidence that greenhouse gases, mainly carbon dioxide, are causing global warming, threatening the supply of beer and spaghetti. We Pastafarians are non-dogmatic – if it will be proven not to be the case, we will gladly accept the alternative explanation. Until then, we will remain firmly on the side of modern science and do our best to try and save the only world that we know for sure to have beer and spaghetti.
Ramen!